Her dress may fit her well
With the latest pocketbook;
You don’t know how she rose this morning
The effort that it took.
Her mate may appear unsuspecting
Their relationship ideal;
No one hears her inner cry
As she wipes her mid-night tears.
From an outward glance things look okay
But inside she’s fighting private wars;
Because her home is a battlefield
Oh, the challenges she endures.
His words and fists are weapons
Her worthiness on the floor;
No one hears her inner cry
Knows the story behind closed doors.
Healthy relationships aren’t perfect. There is no such thing as perfect people or anything else, for that matter. At the foundation of healthy relationships, we feel safe, supported, loved, and are able to communicate to work out differences. Couples enter relationships coming from separate upbringings, separate sets of prior experiences, in essence they are two individuals who may sometimes differ in thought or disagree. Healthy couples strive to work out differences even if they decide to agree to disagree.
We are all capable of losing it or saying unkind words out of pain or anger, but what are some signs of abuse?
- Insults that come in a joking manner
- Name calling/belittling
- Overly controlling behavior- tries to isolate you from family and friends.
- He instills fear. Tries to intimidate you.
- He manipulates your emotions/ tries to make you feel guilty.
- Withholding finances
- He gets physical. Hitting, grabbing or controlling your movements or space.
As women, we often romanticize our relationships early on. Sometimes we overlook the red flags or at least I know I did. Other times, you really don’t know a person until you live with them or not realize you are in an abusive relationship. You may be convinced that it’s your fault.
Signs of someone in an abusive relationship:
- Personality change- she may have been outgoing in the beginning, but now more quiet and introverted.
- Being jumpier or more on guard.
- Unexplained physical injuries.
- Being more moody ( angry, depressed, sad), than normal.
From an outward glance, Domestic Violence can sometimes be hard to detect. I stayed in an mentally abusive marriage because I felt if I returned home, my parents would believe it was my fault. He was the Chief Deputy Sheriff in our town and I thought people would say he was a nice guy, so I kept silent.
I am no longer married to him and have taken a self-assessment as to what attracted me to him, the red flags I ignored, why I stayed, healed from his actions and forgave him.
Love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t take away or attempt to destroy you. Set the example on how you want to be treated, by first loving yourself. As women, we set the standard –
